"Yabba-Dabba-Don't"

June 1994

Dateline Bedrock: Flash! A bomb is about to be dropped on our fair city. It's source has been traced to Universal Studios and famous director/producer Steven Spielrock, (Ha, ha, ha! Spielrock! That is one of the funnier gags in "The Flintstone Movie").

I know doing a commentary on a film is a bit of a stretch for me but, recently I had the dubious honor of going to a pre-release screening of MCA's stone-studded masterpiece and, though I can't say I was necessarily surprised by the execution, (I choose my words carefully) of the film, I was interested in the decision to even make such an ill-fated concept of a live action feature.

I mean are we, as the audience, truly to believe that John Goodman (no chiseled features here), Rick Moranis, Elizabeth Perkins and Rosie O'Donnell, are actually Fred, Barney, Wilma and Betty? Apparently the makers of Hollyrock's latest White Mastodon would have you suspend your disbelief in this regard. For instance, whenever Fred's picture appears in print in the movie, his image is always that of the cartoon Fred and not Goodman himself, who bears only passing resemblance to the Fred we all grew up with. In fact, Goodman plays Fred more like Jackie Gleason's Ralph Kramden, on which the character of Fred Flintstone was obviously based. How's that for convoluted logic? And what about Betty? No offense to Ms. O'Donnell, who does an admirable job as Mrs. Rubble, (giggle and all) but is a far cry from the delightful "Betty Jean McBricker" we all love and who Wayne and Garth rated one of the top 10 babes of all time, ("Schwing!"). Elizabeth Perkins walks through the role of Wilma with less affect than one of the animals in their animated appliances, ("It's a living"). Lost in her interpretation is the familiar read headed, alabaster skinned beauty with "eyes as black.........as frying pans?". Rick Moranis mugs the camera shamelessly, cocking his mouth to one side in a desperate attempt to echo the graphic overbite of the original Barney Rubble, and to no avail. Alas, try as he might, Moranis never overcame the fact that his own human eyes have pupils. I won't even go into the supporting characters but, as I watched I felt somewhat embarrassed for the entire cast. I don't blame them. I just don't think that human beings should ever be required to emulate cartoon characters. It's not fair. Cartoons can convincingly do what live action can not.

It seems that the studios, for the most part, feel that something that has been drawn, created in two dimensions, is somehow invalid until it has been translated into a three dimensional version. I mean, would there be as much hype and hoopla over "The Flintstone Movie" if it were an animated feature, even if it were a better film? I doubt it. And, what the studios don't seem to realize is that some things that work well in animation suffer somewhat in the translation. A case in point is "Beauty and the Beast" on Broadway. Whereas the movie's "Chip" is charming in his animated form, on stage he appears as an eerie, disembodied, talking head which, to me, was mildly disturbing.

Now, as I examine a page right out of Hollyrock's history, I see that there has been a long standing trend in this town of turning cartoons into live action productions. There's been "Blondie", "Lil' Abner", "Annie", "Popeye", "Dick Tracy" "Howard the Duck", "The Rocketeer" and the list goes on and on. Presently this unnerving and somewhat unoriginal practice has moved into resurrecting old television shows with varying degrees of success, like "Dennis the Menace", "The Addams Family", "Batman" "Superman" and "The Flintstones" all of which started out as cartoons in one form or another. And waiting in the wings, we can look forward to live action features based on "The Little Rascals", "Casper", "Gilligan's Island", "Jonny Quest", and "The Jetsons" all currently rumored to be in development around Hollyrock. But why stop there? How about a "Wait 'til your Father Gets Home" live action feature, (provided they can find actors whose heads change volume every time they move).

As far as the current "Flintstones" offering goes, those who loved the '60s T.V. program will probably be left stone cold by the movie. Even with cameo appearances by the series originators Bill Hanna and Joe Barbera as well as surviving original voice actors Harvey Korman and Jean VanderPyl, gone is any of the character and warmth of the original series, (though, personally I feel it's been gone in the animation for many years). Alan Reed, Jean VanderPyl, Mel Blanc and Bea Benaderet were "The Flintstones". There was a natural quality in their early performances that made the characters believable. This, combined with the design, timing, writing, music and style of the show is what made "The Flintstones" so immensely popular in it's first run. There was a comfortable unself-consciousness about the program that made it a genuine piece of Americana and a joy to watch over and over again. The movie , however, is about as self conscious as you can get with it's forced performances, cloying gags and practically extinct stone-age puns relentlessly coming at you like hurled boulders that hit you right between the eyes and then just lay there.

Ironically, much of the merchandising of the movie that you'll be seeing seems to be using the actor's images instead of the cartoon characters to represent "The Flintstones" on toys and such. Frightening, realistic renderings of Goodman and the cast in squat cartoon proportions that look more like primitive Voodoo dolls than children's play things. I recommend purchasing these grotesque icons while you can and putting them away, (with all your hideous "Dick Tracy" merchandise) to be brought out, sometime in the distant future, as valuable novelties or curios of the late 20th century and the decline of modern American cinema.

And incidentally, if you're looking for a plot line, this one is a little on the boney side. Basically the gags are all hung on the very simple story structure of Fred being promoted to executive stature at the gravel pit, presumably because of his ineptitude, (sometimes art really does imitate life). He is then framed in an embezzlement scheme and somehow invents concrete which changes the course of human history. The end.

There may be a primal curiosity rising in some about the cartoon's translation to the live action screen which might need to be satiated. If so, then by all means go! Expectations being what they are, you won't be disappointed, just somewhat confused. And, if you're hearty enough to make it through this film, perhaps you will be able to handle "The Mask", which promises to feature live-action Tex Avery style "takes".

Sigh, Hollyrock. They just don't get it, do they?

"Back to the cupboard with 'ya now",

Dave "Bricksma"

"The Flintstones" opens May 27, 1994 A.D. at your local theater and perhaps at the "Cinderama Dome" as well.