"Trip to Tryptofan"

November 1995

November is here and Thanksgiving is upon us again. At last! A time to take pause, reflect and give thanks for the wonderful bounties and blessings bestowed upon our lives. This is a day to reunite with family, friends and saturated fat, to usher in the holiday season and the culmination of another year, now if only we could stay awake long enough to enjoy it.

Have you ever noticed after a big meal, (particularly one that prominently features turkey) that you feel somewhat drowsy afterwards? Not just a contented kind of warm sleepiness that you get after, say, a cup of cocoa by the fire on a cold winter's eve, but an all out, "someone slipped me a 'Mickey'," drugged sort of delirium that even espresso or Turkish coffee couldn't put a dent in?

For years I thought this phenomenon was just a by-product of the usual Thanksgiving dinner gluttony, but a while back I read an article about a chemical known as L-Tryptofan found naturally occurring in turkey. As I read this I thought to myself, Ah-ha! This explains the bloated carcass' of family and friends that lay moaning on the family room floor after the Thanksgiving feast desperately trying to lift their heads in a feeble attempt to catch the football festivities on television or emit a final, gaseous query as to the fate of that last piece of pumpkin pie they'd had their eye on just before slipping into catatonia.

That same Tryptofan theory could also explain the strange heavy-lidded funk I sometimes sink into after a turkey sandwich at lunchtime that tends to keep me circling the same drawing for the waning hours of an afternoon. It may also be why we rarely get turkey for our catered dinners. Makes sense, doesn't it?

This then leads one to ponder the possibility of a surgeon general attempt to force "Butterball" and the other manufacturers of holiday poultry to place a warning label on their wares, one that cautions not to attempt to operate motor vehicles or heavy machinery after partaking in a turkey dinner? The image of a Thanksgiving evening with my bleary-eyed father, electric knife in hand, comes immediately and chillingly to mind.

Say! Maybe we could neutralize the narcoleptic effect of Tryptofan with our own culinary prowess. Martha Stewart might suggest thriftily stuffing the bird with the morning's spent coffee grounds or adding a box of "No-Dose" and some chicory to the traditional cornbread stuffing. Perhaps progressive poultry purveyors will someday develop Tryptofan-Free turkeys. Large, plump birds that promise, "Real Thanksgiving Satisfaction without drowsiness! "

Consider the possibilities. These solutions fan the hope of staying conscious through the entire airing of "Miracle on 34th Street" and other Thanksgiving traditions for the first time in years! Imagine seeing every football game in it's entirety, scores of saccharine, seasonal movie "Classics", the latest beer and chip commercials, the countdown to holiday savings and Santa's arrival at the mall near you, 4 hours coverage of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade or the 1Oth annual presentation of slides from Aunt Eleanor and Uncle Elmo's trip to Düsseldorf. Hmmmmmmm.............. Then again, maybe this chemically induced unconsciousness is a Thanksgiving blessing and nature's benevolent holiday gift to us all. So bon appetite, pleasant dreams and........................

"Back to the cupboard with 'ya now";

Dave Pruiksma