"Technicolor Nightmare"

Spring 1994

Perhaps some of you remember a while back when an article was published in the Bark about a charity 5K marathon on the "It's a Small World" attraction at Disneyland. Correct me if I'm wrong, but my understanding was that an entrant took pledges from friends and fellow workers, then boarded a vessel at the "It's a Small World" dock and sailed off to a pastel oblivion for as long as they could take it, (up to six hours) earning money by their stamina for the Children's Bureau of Southern California. Many stalwart folk rose to accept the challenge. There were no survivors.

But seriously, who in their right mind is going to subject themselves to this kind of torture? A 5K? 6 hours? 13 times, (talk about your unlucky numbers) down that saccharine stream? Gak! Don't forget to brush and floss after each viewing. Feel the burn, (of bleach fumes rising from the recycled "Waters of the World"). Suffer the effects of whiplash as sadistic ride operators in polyester Tyrolean attire slam boat into boat lurching you to a splashy stop 13 consecutive times! And what about bathroom breaks? All that running water has to have an effect on you at some point.

No way. Not me, man! Not even for a good cause. I think I'd fare better at Brooklyn's Bedford-Stuyvesant 5K MugWalk. I realize that taste is entirely subjective, but too much of anything, particularly sweets, can't be good for you. I'm not sure, but I think six hours of "It's a Small World" would likely turn even Shirley Temple into a serial killer. The mere thought of sitting there, trapped in that boat, surrounded by cherubic, animated "Cupie Dolls" dressed in costumes from every corner of the globe, all spotlight in garish colors and posing with loony, leering animals while chirping endless cycles of a tune so catchy that after one chorus it'll be etched indelibly into your psyche for the rest of your life, is enough to make one's flesh crawl. Not to mention the din of the hydraulics hissing, clicking and clattering amongst the melody, giving the effect of some great geriatric choir! Just close your eyes and you're in the "Polygrip" test kitchens.

And is Disneyland really the place for this brand of twisted activity? Should they be hosting a 5K marathon on an amusement ride? Correct me if I'm wrong, but, aren't marathons normally sports related events? I mean, in keeping with this train of thought, what can we expect next, The Tiki Room Triathlon, The Autopia 500, The Cross-Country Bear Jamboree? If these kinds of trends catch on, will it be long before Nike, L.A. Gear or Adidas jump on the bandwagon, manufacturing and marketing $100 athletic seat cushions?

But, please don't misunderstand me. I was at the New York World's Fair in 1964 when they opened "It's a Small World" to the public for the first time and I loved it! I thought it was just the best thing since Bonomo's Turkish Taffy. In fact, my family and I probably rode the attraction more than 13 times in the 2 or 3 days that we visited the Fair, but not in a row, so we didn't get a chance to O.D. I'm also a big fan of Mary Blair, (for her artistic contributions to the studio) and the technical wizards that brought the mechanical, musical marvel of "It's a Small World" to life some 30 years ago. But there's been a subtle shift in my attention span since those bygone days. At age 7, I didn't think I could get enough of it. I was wrong.

There, now I've said it! It's out and I'm glad. I just couldn't hold it in any longer. And furthermore I happen to know that I'm not alone in this viewpoint. I'm confident there are others out there who share my feelings about this topic. I'm sure because it's a big, diverse planet with many different people and many different views. I'm sure because deep down we are all the same. I'm sure because it's a world of laughter, a world of tears. It's a world of hope and a world of fears. There's so much that we share and it's time we're aware it's a small world after all. And you may quote me on that.

"Back to the cupboard with 'ya now",

Dave Pruiksma